I told myself that I am done following all these prescribed answers. I have seen enough through my work to know the regrets that come with a life trapped in a world that is too small to hold the potential inside of it. Executives, entrepreneurs, artists, husbands, wives, sons, daughters, all came to me to give them answers when they tried everything else yet remained completely stuck. My work was to never give them one. I was only meant to answer them back with questions. As frustrating as that sounds it had a miraculous result which would imply that we ourselves are the miracle, we are ourselves the answer to the questions, we are ourselves the ones we are looking for. Imagine what this could mean, I thought. The same work would then have to be applied to me, by me, if I wanted to see how far, wide, deep, and close it can all go.
A house, a car, status, family and career I have always dreamed of called success was not my goal anymore. What does it help when you achieve it and only feel more empty than ever before? This is the regret I most encountered in my clients; living a life where they are not present in. I would ask them if the story had to stop right now, would that be a true reflection of what you are all about, of who you are? They would say no, and they would ask with condemned hopelessness, where do I even start? And I thought to myself, maybe that is a start.
I found myself there too. It is the place where memories and dreams collide. I knew I had to go back to the start. I knew I had to listen to my child heart. Dreams, dreaming memories of places I’ve been on the road in our Kombi. I remember climbing out a big rock, and a ladder to a world beyond and a bridge I crossed while my mother reminded me to look up as my dad filmed the story. I was present in it. I always had a deep voice. It scared me so I became too afraid to hear it speak. Later on you don’t recognise yourself anymore, but now the questions was knocking eternally inside of me where there is no door. I could no longer ignore it. I found a journal and a black forest to go and listen. This is what I heard;
‘Only when you throw away the map, will you find where to go’
I knew at once my life’s work depended on it. We are so programmed to believe the lie society tells us that we have to find our purpose that we miss our purpose because we are staring through the eyes of it. And in the same way in which you cannot see your own eyes unless you stare into a reflection of it, we miss our purpose because we are it. I have asked for directions all my life, now I will embark on a journey and when I get lost I will know it is on purpose.
Read more about my writing project- A Journey Within.
It is my story of living on the backroads of South Africa with my campervan and my companion Benji. It is a journey of self discovery and adventure into depths of who we are, where we are and why we are here.